« sunday review | Main | gross »
August 30, 2004
I'm glad you asked...
"yeah, so i've been inundated with emails lately asking me questions! i am so popular!! so here's a FAQ section to sink your teeth into!"
i think it's really hilarious when people put FAQ things on their blogs because i have never gotten an email from someone i don't know asking me anything about anything. i don't know why they would need to ask me anything though. but who cares . i will now interview myself because i will ask the really tough questions...
Question: Alison, why don't we skip the small talk? Alright, you seem to have a lot of "pet peeves" if you will, and you are pretty easily annoyed. What gives?
Answer: oh. yeah. i guess so. i don't really know "what gives" and i don't know how to answer this question so i'll just list some things that bug me. BUGGIN" ME!! OKAY. to start : this is easy because it's on the radio as i'm telling you this: Postal Service or the Guy From Postal Service Who Sings in other bands too. he has pretty much ruined any other death cab for cutie song. but postal service pretty much sucks because it's just bad. i can't explain why but it just is. it's that simple. the songs that i will tolerate are the one about "broken ribs" where the girl feels that she "must interject here". the guys voice is pretty irritating and it makes my eye twitch and i hate that.
anyway. other things that bug me include not gettting your butt wiped clean enough, hang nails, throat boogies, fingers that smell like garlic, "DJ kaola" the evening DJ from KISS 106.1. i hate his voice. he sounds like a butch girl. i hate him. or her..? oh. and i don't like jennifer garner either. i hate her dimples and everything else about her face. i also hate lyndie england. she's ugly and mean. okay. i'm done with that now. what else do you need to know?
Q: Shit Dog. Okay. You seem to be obsessed with butts and farting and everything else like that. Why? WHY?
A: i don't know dude. it's funny. and corey likes to talk about it too. it's something we have in common. farting and stuff. quote from brad:" farting is the new black"
Q: Sure. Speaking of Corey, he's pretty hot shit. Can I have a piece?
A: NO. get off it.
Q: Okay. Jeeze. So how did you two meet anyway?
A: the first time i heard of corey was in the spring time of 2002 at ceramics class with eva. she was talking about him. she has another friend named cori who is a girl. so i made her re-name them so that i wouldn't get confused. the girl corey was "Cori One" and the other Corey was "Corey Boy" . i still got confused though. because she'd say "something something cori one blabhalhb" and i wouldn't remember who was cori one and corey boy. sheesh. THEN i went to alaska and the "only gay eskimo" read my palm and said that i would be "getting married soon" and that he "didn't see me living around mountains" and the person i would marry would "have a pony tail" and "be a lumber jack" he also said he would be a "jack of all trades". so after i got home i decided that i would move to iowa city. ( no mountains..???) THEN on august 3 (or maybe the 2nd i don't remember) eva had her birthday at brad's old house. i went there. i walked in the door and corey was standing in the hallway and i was standing on the stairs. i shook his hand i think. he had a plaid shirt on (lumber jack...???) but no pony tail (yet) we followed each other around all night. and brent tagged along too. i knew corey was for me when i made some kind of joke about 7th heaven and he said he had episodes taped. WTF?!!? (he didn't actually. but the fact that he knew about 7th heaven really got me going) anyway, that was how he got me downstairs to his room. (brent was there too. so there was no funny business) then he showed me his yearbook from first grade or something. i don't know why. he also gave me a stack of feminist magazines to read. i was unsure about this but i still liked him. when i was leaving for the night he jokingly said "we should get married!!"
we all went out to dinner the next weekend at aqua verde. it was was a disaster. that was the last time i saw him until christmas time!!
Q: That story is still tugging on my heart strings. It was really beautiful. Really, really beautiful...
A: yeah. tell me about it. is this done yet? i have to go to work soon. what else do you need to know?
Q: Do you eat a lot of fiber? What is your daily intake? Do you eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day too?
A: are you serious?
Q: Where is you favorite place to eat out?
A: we eat at hatties hat and i always get the country breakfast. it has biscuits and gravy. i have been dreaming about it all weekend. i am hungry for it now. so for right now, hatties bungly is my favorite place to eat. because i am hungry.
Q: Can I smell your armpit smell please?
A: only if i can smell your belly button lint!
Q: Why do you make up such hilarious words? Are you like, some kind of genius or something?
A: um. hilarious words? YES. genuis? PROBABLY. my current favorite phrase is "fungly bungly" or any combination of "mungly fungly bungly" but i will give credit to corey for that one (except mungly. i just made that up) he's my words inspiration. in fact, i steal most of my material from other people. they say it once and then i turn it into gold by saying it over and over and over and over and over....
Q: What is your favorite outfit?
A: is this interview for ladies home journal or something? favorite OUTFIT? i guess it would have to be corey's elastic waist comfort pants and my favorite blue cashmere sweater. the pants are big and the elastic waist band doesn't constrict or leave that ugly elastic mark on your skin. and my blue sweater is really soft. so that is my favorite outfit.
Q: You're getting married soon aren't you? That is a lot of stuff to plan. How is that coming?
A: fine.
Q: Fine? Are you getting nervous or anything?
A: yes i am getting nervous. and thinking about getting nervous gives me IBS. when i was in kindergarten i either threw up or shit my pants because i was so nervous about my first day. why do you have to ask and make it worse?
Q: Sorry.
A: "sorry" is not a question. it's like, a statement or something. i don't know.
Q: Yeah. So what are your hopes and dreams?
A: i dream of having kitty paws instead of hands. then i could touch my face the way a kitten does when it's telling you it loves you. kitty paws are the best. i have no hopes though. my expectiations of life are pretty low. yeah. that's about it.
Alison: Okay alison. Thanks for letting yourself interview your..self... we'll see you laters!!!
alison: smoofy.
Posted by alison at August 30, 2004 09:49 AM
Comments
Alison!!! Brilliant interview. For those who do not realize WHO you are, or WHY you like farts, this has definatley cleared the air.
I much liked the story of how you two met. In particular how protective Brent was of you by keeping tabs during the night. bravo.
Posted by: Greg Horne at August 30, 2004 02:19 PM
greg!! i'm glad you liked it. earlier today i got ideas about interview other people. like corey maybe. and maybe my brother. maybe everyone i know!!
i am really excited!!
Posted by: alison at August 30, 2004 08:12 PM
Hey, Alison~
I love the interview-- it's so... you :) I was actually working on something similar as a sample piece of writing to submit to the university newspaper. I'll post it on my blog when i'm happy with it. Thanks for the comment. What *is* one going to do about JB?! He's too... something... for his own good.
Posted by: Shannon at August 31, 2004 08:56 PM